LOVE IS LIKE A BLACK AND WHITE COOKIE!

The Black and White Cookie Syndrome of Relationships!

askdrarlene.com
sexual health, intimacy, relationships 

 Hello Readers,

I’ve been away visiting with my daughter in New York city. She is a young doctor in the city and among the ranks of those “dating” in Manhattan. Over breakfast one morning, we were discussing the issues of relationship and what attracts people to one another. There seem to be some basic correlations in the dating and mating process no matter what generation is at hand.

The conversation turned to individual likes and dislikes and ultimately to aspects of relationship. As I nibbled on a black and white cookie, it reminded me that just as the movie character Forrest Gump referred to life as being like a “box of chocolates”, I tend to see relationship as that of the “black and white cookie syndrome.”

My daughter looked at me with that empirical look of a  surgeon, and asked what the black and white cookie had to do with relationship? She doubted that I could actually create a blog on the subject, so here’s to you my darling daughter.

I received a call from her yesterday to alert me to the fact that she saw the recently printed article where I was interviewed for an article in Cosmopolitan magazine.

As a “relationship expert” and Clinical Sexologist, my opinion as Arlene Krieger, PhD. was quoted in the November 2008 issue of Cosmopolitan magazine. The front page article in this issue is titled, “Times You Shouldn’t Text a Guy” (pg. 44) 

 

As a Board Certified Clinical Sexologist, I am always in motion, in the flow of research, seminars, actively looking for the newest and latest information to help my patients. Many patients are referred to my practice by gynecologists, urologists and other medical doctors that are also hoping to help their patients. Sex therapy is a very specific specialty and it is good to see that the medical profession is accepting it as part of the integral and comprehensive treatment for their patients.  

  

 The black and white cookie analogy represents the differences we all tend to perceive as human beings. Just as in the medical professions, traditional doctors tend to view life and medical issues differently than many of the holistic doctors. These various climates of thought are often confusing to the patients. It is then up to us as individuals to make educated and rational choices, to be responsible for our own physical and mental health.

 

It is the same process of choosing Relationship that often lends itself to states of conflict and confusion. With the “Black and White cookie” theory, the question arises, why do we have to like chocolate over vanilla or vanilla best over chocolate? Which side of the cookie do you go for first? Do you ever mix it up and eat half of one and half of the other, do you cheat and claim to be a chocolate lover, and yet intermittently break off little bits of the white side of the cookie? Can our individual taste choices be judged here? Would one ever dare to chastise another for their cookie preferences?

The real issue in choosing your partner and getting along with the choice of “cookie” that you made, is in the why,how and what of your choices. People make these most important choices of all, who you plan on spending the rest of your life with, often based on poor reasoning. This ultimately ends up in the demise of their relationship or marriage.

It is of utmost import to realize exactly which side of the black and white cookie you stand for! If you are a vanilla icing kind of girl, no matter how much you try to rationalize it, you’re never going to be at that necessary comfort level with Mr. Chocolate! Although he may talk a convincing story about the rich, dark chocolate wonder of life, you may not be able to live outside of your cool creamy vanilla understanding and existence of your own values and traditions.

We often tend to make our right another’s wrong. Its not that simple. Of course if two people are attracted enough to one another to try and build a relationship there will have to be compromise. However, make sure that you choose the familiar side of the cookie before you embark on this most interesting road to romance and lifetime committment.

In Love and Light, Dr. Arlene G. Krieger

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve Fallen (IN LOVE) And I Can’t Get Up!

While on a social networking site that I also post articles on, I came across another members recent post describing her overwhelming feelings of pain and angst over a lost love. Her powerful writings described feelings of falling hard, unrequited love, yearnings for comfort, tossing blindly and her willingness to walk into the fire to be reunited with her lover.

As a little girl I remember all too well the feelings of being dumped by Bobby, my kindergarten boyfriend for little blond Karen, his newest conquest. Although I grew up, fell madly in love myself and lived the all American dream for a few years, the bubble burst and I ended up a single parent of three. As I often tell my patients in my private practice here in Boca Raton, Florida (http://www.bocatherapy.com/) love is not for the timid. In order to love one must be willing to risk. With risk comes thousands of possibilities of outcome. There are no guarantees in life or love. So if you are bold enough to take that giant leap of faith, there are still ground rules for searching for Mr. or Mrs. right!

We all want that love that makes us feel like we’re home. Somebody to hold, share in our dreams and disappointments. On the ‘”jouney of love” most often, the prince charming and sleeping beauty princess ends up to be a diamond in the rough for most of us. So often I hear the phrase, “I don’t want to settle.” My advice to you is Don’t Ever Settle! True love is not about “settling” in order to say that you’re in love or not be alone on a Saturday night.

So instead of reaching out for a phantom love or talking to yourself about what a cold, cold road it is out there, do something about finding that one great person to share your life with. The author on gather.com described her feelings of unrequited love as:

“I am sitting here at my computer waiting as usual for him to email me, I have a feeling he won’t. This is hard to write and as I do the tears start once more, I have cried over him so many times. I met someone who after talking with for several month’s, almost everyday, came to love. Now how silly is that?
I know I am being silly, but it’s true. I told him many times how I feel, he thought it was nice, but was honest from the start telling me he did not feel the same way. So I made a fool of myself . Can someone tell me how do you get over someone you love, but dosn’t love you? It hurts terribly and my heart is broken. “

If you’re waiting for a change of heart sitting at the edge of your seat expecting your relationship to turn around for the better as the author above, you’ll be waiting for a long, long time. People don’t usually “change.” What you see is what you get in most situations involving love and relationship. Thinking about those lonely nights waiting for someone’s call is useless energy that could be better spent in a productive manner and leading you to a fulfilling relationship.

KEYS TO LETTING GO AND MOVING ON FOR THOSE THAT HAVE “FALLEN (IN LOVE) AND CAN’T GET UP.”

1. Let go and move on when you don’t get back what you put into the relationship.

2. Spending countless hours waiting for someone to call makes you the fool, not him/her.

3. Recognize that you’re a unique and valuable person, seek out someone who recognizes you for your worth.

4. Wasting time on someone that doesn’t show you respect or consideration is a go nowhere situation.

5. Communication is crucial, when someone tells you who they are, Believe Them!

6. Don’t believe you’re in love because there is an empty space in your life, develop some basic boundaries

7. If you are at any level of dis-comfort, speak your truth, give your partner a chance to step up to the plate, and if you don’t get your needs met, then move on!

Life is not a dress rehearsal as the saying goes, there are plenty of fish in the sea, Go Fishing and find your happiness!

 

In Love and Light,

Dr. Arlene G. Krieger

 

The Man and The Hummingbird

When you see your beauty you will be the idol of yourself-Rumi

A STORY ABOUT RELATIONSHIP AND LOVING YOURSELF FIRST

                                                                               Chinese proverb

Once upon a time, a man was walking by the sea in a little town called Bliss. As he was walking a beautiful hummingbird flew by and paused in the air for a moment in front of him.

  The hummingbird was called Gaia by all her knew of her healing powers. The hummingbird said to the man, my, what a beautiful face you have. The man told the hummingbird that from the moment he first laid eyes on her, he knew she would be his.

 The Man promised the hummingbird that if she would let him place a silver string around her neck, and  keep her close to him in his heart, that he would love her, protect her from the wind and storms and feed her bountiful sweet syrup, loving her like no one had ever loved her before.

 The hummingbird, smitten by the man’s charm and handsome face, agreed, although she knew better. She stayed by the man’s side and when he left her to travel, he tied her little silver string to the tree and asked her to wait for him to return. There she waited, weeks would go by, but the little hummingbird had grown to love the man, so alas….she waited patiently, tied to the tree.

Her little wings grew weak from lack of flight, her little beak longed for the sweet syrup and waters of passion that the man had promised to lead her to. But alas…..the man had not yet returned from his travels…..

 One day the man came home. He did not sweep the little bird up into his arms as he had in the past, but rather…spoke of the little yellow canary that he had loved in the past. The little canary had run away, gotten lost; had bitten him numerous times, but he had always loved her and chased after the canary and tried to keep her by his side. Finally he realized he could not love the canary any longer…that he had to release her and find his own way in life. He untied the hummingbird and told the little bird his sad tale of woe about himself and the past 28 years with the canary. The hummingbird cared and was understanding at first…..yet her presence seemed to fade in his eyes, as every time they were together…he only spoke of the little yellow canary.

 The hummingbird’s heart broke a thousand times over every time the man came to her. Although he would pet her and feed her, the conversation always went back to his pain over the little canary. The man said that if the little hummingbird loved him, she would want to listen to all that he had to say, that she would want to hear him speak his truth about everything in life. The hummingbird knew better. Ultimate truths should often never be spoken. All creatures have hearts and feelings, words can cut like a knife and destroy the good and the love.  Life is short….if you love someone, tell them so, and tell them everyday and every chance you get. The gift of loving someone heals, renews, inspires and empowers us to do great things, makes us feel safe brings us closer to God…..this is the only kind of love that the little hummingbird knew……not the words but the actions of love………………

 

Dr. Arlene G. Krieger is a Board Certified Clinical Sexologist with a private practice in Boca Raton Florida. She is currently working on her latest book, The New Orgasm due out this fall. She can be reached at www.Bocatherapy.com

 

The Woman’s Mancode: Laws of Attraction for Loving a Woman

The Mancode: Laws of Attraction For Loving a Woman

Posted by: admin in www.bocatherapy.com, women and dating, West Palm Beach sex therapist, Palm beach sex therapist, men and dating, finding the right woman, finding the right guy, dating and internet dating, boca raton sex therapist on May 26, 2009  

 

 Some men are just oblivious and others simply seem to  just get it and understand  what we women are all about!  It is a well known fact that the sexes are altogether different creatures.  So hold on to your Iphone and take careful notes here guys!

 Women in general like acknowledgment and loving affection, a person withwhom they can connect, relate to and most important of all, a person they can trust. We also need our men to be able to “Communicate.” Yes I know, that is such a tricky term of art for men to grasp, so I’ll make it simple and break it down for you guys.

Women want to be able to discuss their life, their dreams, their hopes and fears. For every secret they tell you, they want you to tell them four more. Hopefully by the time you’ve dated for at least a month, women want to be able to feel the “we” of the relationship, which means that you would be using what I call “future talk” with one another.

This includes talk on the man’s part of wanting to include the woman in his life to some capacity, i.e. introducing her to his friends, remembering specifics of her career, being spontaneous, wanting to surprise and please her, talk of future plans together for the holidays, summer vacations, in other words, letting your woman know that you can actually see a possible future for the two of  you somewhere down the road! ( Im not talking about running off  to get married at the the Elvis Chapel on the 5th date)

 Although women can seem mysterious, they will show you what it feels like to be truly loved, as long as you’re willing and able to accept the responsibility of a true and loving relationship.  It is up to you, the man to show them  that you and your feelings for her are real, and mean it! Your words must always be your honor. No excuses or sad stories for why you forget to call them on Saturday nights or are too tied up with your own life demands to find the time to pursue them  ( no matter how hard it may be for you at times) with the desire of a man in love!

 Compassion and understanding are also big on the list of Do’s. Women like a man that is compassionate and understanding, someone who shows that he genuinely cares. It is important for a woman in this 21st century to be able to speak her mind without being considered to be “trouble” or a “princess”….respect for your woman’s thoughts and opinions matter. Recognize her intelligence and strong points.

 Even if you don’t agree with her, find good points from both perspectives and learn to communicate. It is of utmost import for her to know that she is seen as a total and whole person in your eyes. Never cut her down or tell her she would be so much more beautiful ( or look 10 years younger)  if only she would ; i.e. get her breasts enlarged or go blond! Find something unique her that no one has ever told her about before, and mean it. Women will see right through anything that is not authentic.

Hope these few tips for getting the girl that you deserve have helped! Just remember, you’ve gotta be the guy that she deserves and no less!!!!!

____________________________ 

 Dr. Arlene G. Krieger is  Clinical Sexologist with a private practice in Boca Raton, Florida. She is currently working on her new book, The Simple Sex Guide, due out this coming Fall.

 

Is Old Fashioned Dating in Vogue Again? The Pros and Cons of Internet Dating!

In this article the pros and cons of Internet dating plus the advantages of “Ye Old Fashioned” dating will be discussed. As in everything else in life there is good and bad to most everything, yet internet dating has its very own and unique pitfalls that you absolutely need to be aware of!

It is reported that ”You’re now more likely to find your true love on the internet than at work or at a party, in the US at least – especially if you’re over 45.”

That comment was made in an article about an online survey of over 10,000  people  aged between 20 and 54 who got married in the USA between 1 April 2006 and 31 March 2007, conducted by Harris Interactive for  an online matchmaking service which claims to use scientific methods to work out compatibility.

The survey was of course meant to highlight how many couples who got married met via eHarmony, but the New Scientist article mentions more generally statistics (presumably based on the full report, which hasn’t been made available publicly) showing that, of the couples surveyed:

• 19% met online (compared with 14 % in a previous similar survey of marriages between 2004 and 2005)
• 17% met at work (down from 20%)
• 17% met through friends (unchanged).

31% of the married couples aged 45 – 54 met online, compared with 18% of 20 – 44-year-olds who did, suggesting (which I think makes sense) that younger people have more ways than older people to meet potential partners, e.g. through college.

But still, that’s a decent percentage of couples of any age marrying who met online. So though there’s absolutely no shame in being on dating sites or looking for relationships online. 

Now, to the issues of  absolute importance that you all need to understand as to the RULES FOR INTERNET DATING, which include how to navigate through the rough waters and know how to “date safely”. Yes, thats correct, there are dangers to the internet dating scene that you must be aware of.

The Cons of Internet Dating:

When discussed among peers there are manyof not knowing who you are really meeting that concern women and men in this social arena. Meeting the person out of context, meaning not in their “normal” social setting (such as a person you work with) persons being able to hide behind the screen of the internet, persons re-creating their identity, placing false pictures online, or at worst, the person you’re meeting is simply off the wall as far as basic social norms (i.e. being insulted, racist remarks, rude and aggresive or undermining verbal abuse), which can put you at risk of harm without knowing the basics of being safe on an internet date.

The Rules:

1. Meet at a local public meeting place

2. Never, be picked up for a first Internet date at your home, or get into his/her car.

3. Ask some basic questions of your date pertaining to their history, where they used to live, i.e city, job history, family, etc.

4. Listen for language that appears to come from left field, if you feel, insulted, degraded or that urge to leave, do so!!! Always pay attention to your gut instinct!

These are the four basic rules of being safe in Internet dating! Don’t be foolish and simply assume that the guy/girl is OK based on a few phone conversations that you may have had.

The Pros of Internet Dating:

Yes, its true that Internet dating can be a candy store for both men and women.  For many, once you’ve placed your personal profile on most any of the available Internet dating sites, the emails start rolling in, sometimes in the hundreds! This is often overwhelming for many, and hard to choose wisely when flooded with so many requests to meet. However, meet they do.

For most interviewed, it is reported that for the most part, the dates end up to be duds. Either there is no chemistry or something else seems to be amiss. On the pro side however, many have met and married from meet and greets initiated on the internet dating sites. As I’ve always said, dating is not for the faint of heart. In order to meet or find that one special person, you may indeed have to kiss a lot of frogs/ (frog princes or princesses)! The mere numbers provide for abundant opportunities to meet your mate! Just remember, date safely and enjoy!

 

Dr. Arlene Krieger is in private practice in Boca Raton, Florida @ www.Bocatherapy.com ,  and specializes in Sexuality and Intimacy issues as a Ph.D. Clinical Sexologist. She is currently working on the book, The Simple Sex Guide, due out this fall.

 

“5 Times You Shouldn’t Text Him” featured on Match.com

This is a re-print of an article from Cosmopolitan Magazine which is featured this week on your Match.com homepage under the “Dating and Advice” section. Dr. Arlene G. Krieger is interviewed by Cosmopolitan Magazine regarding issues of : When and When Not To Text Your Guy! Rules and guidelines to live by! Find the full article  on your Match.com Homepage!

 

Imagine Affordable Mental Health Therapy for You and Your Loved Ones

 

Media Release-SameDayTherapy.com

We are currently in the middle of an economically and mentally stressful era. Never before have people from our generation had to deal with this type of fiscal, professional and personal pressure.

Stress on your personal and professonal life may be impacting both your mental and physical well-being. Many people are finding it necessary to turn to a mental health professional because of these factors.

It would be great to find the help you need to normalize many of the issues you are going through right now. If  only it were that easy. For many therapy is too costly. Now there is a new type of therapy service available here in Boca Raton , Florida and across the country.

This innovative and timely Individual and Couples counseling service is affordable and available on the same day that you need to speak to someone.  The price is affordable, $59.99 for a 45 minute session with a licensed and trained mental health professional!

Please visit their new site and offices @ www.SameDayTherapy.com or call 561-361-7414 to make an appointment now!  Telephone Therapy is also available~

Whoever you are, whatever your age, whatever the situation or problem which you are facing; whether you are stressed, worried, depressed, confused feeling bad about yourself, wanting to make some changes in your life or coping with unwanted change or crisis, it can help to talk things over, in confidence, with an understanding outsider, a trained and professional expert that can help you find the peace of mind that you are looking for.

Please check out this new site, therapy can be greatly  beneficial in helping to manage stress and refocus on being a productive member of society and your life!

What others are saying:

They are both innovative and brilliant in offering affordable same day therapy! – Dr. J. Kaplan-Miami, Fl.

This really helped to save our marriage, I needed someone to talk to that afternoon, the office staff was so nice and fit me in that same afternoon. Nancy Desoto – Delray Beach

Finally, a way to get some  really good professional help without going broke! – Johnny Toon, Boston,MA

 Call www.SameDayTherapy.com now, We Can Help!  

or email us at: Samedaytherapy@gmail.com

 

 

 

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Risk Your Marriage In This Economy?

 

During a press conference the other day, President Obama stated, “We are going through the worst economic crisis since the ‘Great Depression’. Whether one recognizes the President’s remarks as truth or not, one can’t help but realize that many in our nation’s population are experiencing financial hardship along with great levels of stress. This is a high stakes game that most are trying to find their way out of without any solutions in sight.

 

Countless couples are coming in my doors now depressed, with many on the verge of divorce. It is disheartening at best to see the pain and angst they are suffering. Ultimately by the time they make the final decision to come in for therapy, there is often much unresolved anger.  The anger has by now manifested in lack of trust, no desire to care about or show empathy for their partner and an overall sense of hopelessness.

 

I explain to the couple the options available in therapy and the therapeutic modality in which I will be working with them. If the couple is still engaged in their relationship and appears to be willing to work on staying together, then I will utilize every option available to help them find their way back to one another.

 

Whether or not the couple is deemed to be still, “In Love”, is a blanketed notion that cannot determine the chances of the relationships survival at the onset of therapy. Love is not an adjective, it is a decision that two people make together to invest in their lives as one loving unit. In other words, as team players, “you and me babe” against the world.

 

I often tell my patients that they must do the work in therapy; I don’t “fix them.” They must work together with the therapist to help themselves also. It is not easy work for the couples and it can get intense, however it is worth the effort. I often tell my patients that it is worth the last ditch efforts to explore saving their relationship, so that they never have any regrets as to whether or not they did the right thing.

 

Many say that they can’t afford therapy nowadays. Most Psychological services offices will work with you during these hard economic times and provide either sliding scales or individual financial options for the patients. Please take the time to explore the therapy options available in your city. If you don’t call, they can’t help you.

 

Dr. Arlene G. Krieger

www.Bocatherapy.com

Boca Raton, Florida

 

 

 

 

 

www.bocatherapy.com love, relationship, Valentines Day 2009

Litany

You are the bread and the knife,The crystal goblet and the wine…-Jacques Crickillon

 You are the bread and the knife,the crystal goblet and the wine.You are the dew on the morning grassand the burning wheel of the sun.You are the white apron of the baker,and the marsh birds suddenly in flight. However, you are not the wind in the orchard,the plums on the counter,or the house of cards. And you are certainly not the pine-scented air.There is just no way that you are the pine-scented air.

 It is possible that you are the fish under the bridge,maybe even the pigeon on the general’s head,but you are not even closeto being the field of cornflowers at dusk. And a quick look in the mirror will showthat you are neither the boots in the cornernor the boat asleep in its boathouse.

It might interest you to know,speaking of the plentiful imagery of the world,that I am the sound of rain on the roof. I also happen to be the shooting star,the evening paper blowing down an alleyand the basket of chestnuts on the kitchen table.

 I am also the moon in the treesand the blind woman’s tea cup.But don’t worry, I’m not the bread and the knife.You are still the bread and the knife.You will always be the bread and the knife,not to mention the crystal goblet and–somehow–the wine.

Personal note: Thank you Donn for the beautiful poem on this Valentines Day.

 

Valentines Day: He Loves Me He Loves Me Not?

 It’s that time of year again when all is ok with the world and we are all in love! Valentines Day is coming!!!! All of our romantic dreams will come true! Our lovers will understand us, hear our deepest thoughts, validate our existence in this crazy world and love us deeply until the end of eternity. Arrrgghhhhh! REALITY CHECK: Our nation is in crisis, yet we are trying to make sense of it all. Lovers and couples have much more on their plates than simply attending to daily issues of their marriages, partnerships and relationships. Marriages and relationships are in trouble more than ever now. Fear of losing everything we’ve ever worked for, insecurity of not being able to provide for your family, and the resulting behaviors of arguing non-stop are all taking their toll on relationships~ Homes, jobs and even our relationships are at stake in this economy. These economic issues are spilling over onto our dinner tables, and seeping into our bedrooms. These changes in the world are affecting our personal lives more than we realize. It is impossible to live in this world without confronting stressors in our daily lives. However, everyone has a breaking point, a place somewhere on the continuum of life where ‘overload’ occurs and you “just can’t take it anymore.” This is the statement heard most often in my therapy office the past few months. We are satiated, overwhelmed by financial issues, arguments over paying the bills, the pulling apart and separation of the “coupledom” of the relationship. Where is the romantic partnership that we thought we had? What happened to that man/woman that we fell in love with so long ago? Doesn’t he/she love me anymore? Am I still attractive to my partner, don’t they desire me anymore? “We’ve been together for 5….10……20….years and the spark is just not there any longer” these are the greatest concerns of men and women in relationship today. This month I am featured in the cover story of Boca Magazine’s February 2009 issue- “15 Ways To Say I Love You.” I speak of ways to “Spice It Up” in relationship. Most importantly is the fact that “couples must realize that romance is an absolute. You have to re-create the relationship on a daily basis. Yes, it’s work. But so is getting dressed in the morning and making breakfast.”   Relationship is work. It requires no less than the effort one puts into their job, their hobbies, themselves.  To love another requires committment to recognizing their uniqueness. Love is not about creating a clone of yourself and expecting your partner to be exactly like you. Lastly, love is not simply a feeling.  Not the lust you first felt in the first few weeks of dating. Rather, LOVE is a decision, an action in understanding and caring for your partners, emotions , likes and dislikes and most importantly your partners needs….”see me…feel me….touch me”…….HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

The No. 1 Sex Problem: The Sexless Syndrome-Why She/He Has No Libido?

Change is upon is. This is most often a good thing. However, the current climate of change includes massive financial concerns including, recession, and loss of jobs, homes and yes, our relationships. The No.1 issue being reported by many already in relationship… is no sex life! So then what is this mysterious “Sexless Syndrome” affecting our perfectly manicured and totally pumped gym bodies?

 

To even imagine that we as human beings can “intellectualize” issues at work and problems at home… and move on as though nothing is happening, is unrealistic at best. As stated best in a recent Desperate Housewives episode; by the character Carlos in response to Gabriele’s request, “I just wanted to have a normal life!” Carlos says,” Well, guess what sweetie? Dad’s unhappy at work; mom’s home with the screaming kids. You got one.” That pretty much sums it up!

Our emotional problems affect our physical well being. These two systems of emotionality and physicality do not operate independent of one another. It is a biological impossibility.

 

Although many traditional medicine practitioners have not previously focused on the mind/body connection, we as educated consumers are now demanding this dual integrative approach from our medical and alternative care practitioners and doctors.

 

When a patient whether male or female comes into my office with issues of low libido or more commonly stated as “No Sex Drive”, I first will want to ‘rule out’ any other physiological or biological reasons that could be affecting their libido.

 

As a Board Certified Clinical Sexologist,  I work collaboratively with a team of professionals, i.e. urologists, anti-aging medicine doctors, and other alternative care practitioners, to meet each individual patient’s needs.

 

Just as women can have an imbalance in hormones, so do men. Women lose hormones (90 percent over a two-year period) and are quite aware of their symptoms; because of this they usually do something about it immediately. For men, it takes 10-12 years to completely bottom out. Because this transition is so gradual they usually attribute these symptoms to aging. Many men and women have not realized that aging is simply declining hormones.

According to experts, in the BHRT (Bio-Identical Hormone Replacement Therapy) field state that this decline can be slowed down and in some cases reversed with hormone therapy.

 

If you are seeking a sex therapist in your area to address these issues with, please make sure that they are licensed as a Board Certified Clinical Sexologist. Many find that their quality of life relationship and sex life are greatly improved, once these medical/psychotherapeutic issues are addressed.

Don’t let your life pass you by. If you are confused and frustrated with the issues discussed here, make it a priority to seek out a qualified doctor as suggested above. You CAN  find the answers to your questions and enjoy a fullfilling and satisfying sex life with your partner!

Dr. Arlene G. Krieger

www.bocatherapy.com                                      

 

Love, Lies, and Webcams: Holiday Dating Expectations

During this holiday season, many find themselves without someone to enjoy the festivities with. Options are endless; there are parties galore and various opportunities for cozy times with that special someone. There are many opportunities at hand for those that are single to date or attend singles events. This brings us to the subject of “expectations”. As I have mentioned in previous blogs the dating process is not for the faint of heart. It is important to go into this arena with the right attitude. I have heard so many horror stories from friends, family, and acquaintances of the trials and tribulations of dating. (Especially internet dating!) In order to travel this treacherous and yet wonderful path of meeting and greeting, which can be both exciting and nerve-racking, one must enter the entire process with the right attitude.

Let’s start with internet dating. This process certainly begins with expectations. I was talking to a male friend of mine the other evening and he had a particularly “on the mark view” of how this dating drill needs to go. From this perceptive male’s point of view, too many people begin the process with expectations that lead them down the slippery hill into dating hell. He believes that if you spend more time than two phone conversations before you actually meet, that you then fall into the “jaws of the false expectations pit” by building up in your mind a fantasy person. Although internet photos are exchanged and some of your deepest, darkest secrets are exposed to one another, you still have no clue who you are really dealing with until you meet face to face. My male friend’s answer to this “false expectation” dilemma is that one must absolutely meet if not for anything more than a cup of coffee and a half hour of each others time by the end of the second phone conversation.

Another dilemma that has been reported by both men and women is of long distance relationships, where one or both partners travel to see each other. In reporting a recent experience by a female friend of mine, she states that: a man flew in from Timbuktu, Alaska (all names and places are changed to protect identities) for a twenty four hour period to meet her. By the end of the evening, to her dismay, she realized that this man’s “expectations” were that of a roll in the hay with sprinkles on top. To his dismay, no exotic holiday cupcakes on the menu that evening. The evening will go down in history as one of her most distasteful dating experiences ever. What were the red flags for dating disaster here? In this case, both parties’ expectations failed. She was expecting a well-educated gentleman; he was expecting a POA (piece of ass).

So the lessons of  love and internet dating, blind dating, or hooking up during the holidays is to put it out there “who you really are, what you want, and where you’re willing to go in the entire dating process.”  As long as you know that you have truthfully posted recent (within the last 6 months)  photos, i.e via webcam, text message, or snail mail… (both parties please…), are within a few years of your actual age posted online, c’mon most everyone fibs by a few years ….and don’t have a current or ex-lover in the trunk of your car or in the closet at home you should find yourself on a fair playing field of the dating process.   Take the time to read and see the road signs  ahead, and you should be able to enjoy this wonderful season with a date or two that won’t end up in the Guinness Book of Records for worst holiday date ever.