When you see your beauty you will be the idol of yourself-Rumi

A STORY ABOUT RELATIONSHIP AND LOVING YOURSELF FIRST

                                                                               Chinese proverb

Once upon a time, a man was walking by the sea in a little town called Bliss. As he was walking a beautiful hummingbird flew by and paused in the air for a moment in front of him.

  The hummingbird was called Gaia by all her knew of her healing powers. The hummingbird said to the man, my, what a beautiful face you have. The man told the hummingbird that from the moment he first laid eyes on her, he knew she would be his.

 The Man promised the hummingbird that if she would let him place a silver string around her neck, and  keep her close to him in his heart, that he would love her, protect her from the wind and storms and feed her bountiful sweet syrup, loving her like no one had ever loved her before.

 The hummingbird, smitten by the man’s charm and handsome face, agreed, although she knew better. She stayed by the man’s side and when he left her to travel, he tied her little silver string to the tree and asked her to wait for him to return. There she waited, weeks would go by, but the little hummingbird had grown to love the man, so alas….she waited patiently, tied to the tree.

Her little wings grew weak from lack of flight, her little beak longed for the sweet syrup and waters of passion that the man had promised to lead her to. But alas…..the man had not yet returned from his travels…..

 One day the man came home. He did not sweep the little bird up into his arms as he had in the past, but rather…spoke of the little yellow canary that he had loved in the past. The little canary had run away, gotten lost; had bitten him numerous times, but he had always loved her and chased after the canary and tried to keep her by his side. Finally he realized he could not love the canary any longer…that he had to release her and find his own way in life. He untied the hummingbird and told the little bird his sad tale of woe about himself and the past 28 years with the canary. The hummingbird cared and was understanding at first…..yet her presence seemed to fade in his eyes, as every time they were together…he only spoke of the little yellow canary.

 The hummingbird’s heart broke a thousand times over every time the man came to her. Although he would pet her and feed her, the conversation always went back to his pain over the little canary. The man said that if the little hummingbird loved him, she would want to listen to all that he had to say, that she would want to hear him speak his truth about everything in life. The hummingbird knew better. Ultimate truths should often never be spoken. All creatures have hearts and feelings, words can cut like a knife and destroy the good and the love.  Life is short….if you love someone, tell them so, and tell them everyday and every chance you get. The gift of loving someone heals, renews, inspires and empowers us to do great things, makes us feel safe brings us closer to God…..this is the only kind of love that the little hummingbird knew……not the words but the actions of love………………

Dr. Arlene G. Krieger is a Board Certified Clinical Sexologist with a private practice in Boca Raton Florida. She is currently working on her latest book, The New Orgasm due out this fall. She can be reached at www.Bocatherapy.com

The Mancode: Laws of Attraction For Loving a Woman

Posted by: admin in www.bocatherapy.com, women and dating, West Palm Beach sex therapist, Palm beach sex therapist, men and dating, finding the right woman, finding the right guy, dating and internet dating, boca raton sex therapist on May 26, 2009  

 Some men are just oblivious and others simply seem to  just get it and understand  what we women are all about!  It is a well known fact that the sexes are altogether different creatures.  So hold on to your Iphone and take careful notes here guys!

 Women in general like acknowledgment and loving affection, a person withwhom they can connect, relate to and most important of all, a person they can trust. We also need our men to be able to “Communicate.” Yes I know, that is such a tricky term of art for men to grasp, so I’ll make it simple and break it down for you guys.

Women want to be able to discuss their life, their dreams, their hopes and fears. For every secret they tell you, they want you to tell them four more. Hopefully by the time you’ve dated for at least a month, women want to be able to feel the “we” of the relationship, which means that you would be using what I call “future talk” with one another.

This includes talk on the man’s part of wanting to include the woman in his life to some capacity, i.e. introducing her to his friends, remembering specifics of her career, being spontaneous, wanting to surprise and please her, talk of future plans together for the holidays, summer vacations, in other words, letting your woman know that you can actually see a possible future for the two of  you somewhere down the road! ( Im not talking about running off  to get married at the the Elvis Chapel on the 5th date)

 Although women can seem mysterious, they will show you what it feels like to be truly loved, as long as you’re willing and able to accept the responsibility of a true and loving relationship.  It is up to you, the man to show them  that you and your feelings for her are real, and mean it! Your words must always be your honor. No excuses or sad stories for why you forget to call them on Saturday nights or are too tied up with your own life demands to find the time to pursue them  ( no matter how hard it may be for you at times) with the desire of a man in love!

 Compassion and understanding are also big on the list of Do’s. Women like a man that is compassionate and understanding, someone who shows that he genuinely cares. It is important for a woman in this 21st century to be able to speak her mind without being considered to be “trouble” or a “princess”….respect for your woman’s thoughts and opinions matter. Recognize her intelligence and strong points.

 Even if you don’t agree with her, find good points from both perspectives and learn to communicate. It is of utmost import for her to know that she is seen as a total and whole person in your eyes. Never cut her down or tell her she would be so much more beautiful ( or look 10 years younger)  if only she would ; i.e. get her breasts enlarged or go blond! Find something unique her that no one has ever told her about before, and mean it. Women will see right through anything that is not authentic.

Hope these few tips for getting the girl that you deserve have helped! Just remember, you’ve gotta be the guy that she deserves and no less!!!!!

____________________________ 

 Dr. Arlene G. Krieger is  Clinical Sexologist with a private practice in Boca Raton, Florida. She is currently working on her new book, The Simple Sex Guide, due out this coming Fall.

In this article the pros and cons of Internet dating plus the advantages of “Ye Old Fashioned” dating will be discussed. As in everything else in life there is good and bad to most everything, yet internet dating has its very own and unique pitfalls that you absolutely need to be aware of!

It is reported that ”You’re now more likely to find your true love on the internet than at work or at a party, in the US at least – especially if you’re over 45.”

That comment was made in an article about an online survey of over 10,000  people  aged between 20 and 54 who got married in the USA between 1 April 2006 and 31 March 2007, conducted by Harris Interactive for  an online matchmaking service which claims to use scientific methods to work out compatibility.

The survey was of course meant to highlight how many couples who got married met via eHarmony, but the New Scientist article mentions more generally statistics (presumably based on the full report, which hasn’t been made available publicly) showing that, of the couples surveyed:

• 19% met online (compared with 14 % in a previous similar survey of marriages between 2004 and 2005)
• 17% met at work (down from 20%)
• 17% met through friends (unchanged).

31% of the married couples aged 45 – 54 met online, compared with 18% of 20 – 44-year-olds who did, suggesting (which I think makes sense) that younger people have more ways than older people to meet potential partners, e.g. through college.

But still, that’s a decent percentage of couples of any age marrying who met online. So though there’s absolutely no shame in being on dating sites or looking for relationships online. 

Now, to the issues of  absolute importance that you all need to understand as to the RULES FOR INTERNET DATING, which include how to navigate through the rough waters and know how to “date safely”. Yes, thats correct, there are dangers to the internet dating scene that you must be aware of.

The Cons of Internet Dating:

When discussed among peers there are manyof not knowing who you are really meeting that concern women and men in this social arena. Meeting the person out of context, meaning not in their “normal” social setting (such as a person you work with) persons being able to hide behind the screen of the internet, persons re-creating their identity, placing false pictures online, or at worst, the person you’re meeting is simply off the wall as far as basic social norms (i.e. being insulted, racist remarks, rude and aggresive or undermining verbal abuse), which can put you at risk of harm without knowing the basics of being safe on an internet date.

The Rules:

1. Meet at a local public meeting place

2. Never, be picked up for a first Internet date at your home, or get into his/her car.

3. Ask some basic questions of your date pertaining to their history, where they used to live, i.e city, job history, family, etc.

4. Listen for language that appears to come from left field, if you feel, insulted, degraded or that urge to leave, do so!!! Always pay attention to your gut instinct!

These are the four basic rules of being safe in Internet dating! Don’t be foolish and simply assume that the guy/girl is OK based on a few phone conversations that you may have had.

The Pros of Internet Dating:

Yes, its true that Internet dating can be a candy store for both men and women.  For many, once you’ve placed your personal profile on most any of the available Internet dating sites, the emails start rolling in, sometimes in the hundreds! This is often overwhelming for many, and hard to choose wisely when flooded with so many requests to meet. However, meet they do.

For most interviewed, it is reported that for the most part, the dates end up to be duds. Either there is no chemistry or something else seems to be amiss. On the pro side however, many have met and married from meet and greets initiated on the internet dating sites. As I’ve always said, dating is not for the faint of heart. In order to meet or find that one special person, you may indeed have to kiss a lot of frogs/ (frog princes or princesses)! The mere numbers provide for abundant opportunities to meet your mate! Just remember, date safely and enjoy!

Dr. Arlene Krieger is in private practice in Boca Raton, Florida @ www.Bocatherapy.com ,  and specializes in Sexuality and Intimacy issues as a Ph.D. Clinical Sexologist. She is currently working on the book, The Simple Sex Guide, due out this fall.

This is a re-print of an article from Cosmopolitan Magazine which is featured this week on your Match.com homepage under the “Dating and Advice” section. Dr. Arlene G. Krieger is interviewed by Cosmopolitan Magazine regarding issues of : When and When Not To Text Your Guy! Rules and guidelines to live by! Find the full article  on your Match.com Homepage!

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www.bocatherapy.com love, relationship, Valentines Day 2009

Litany

You are the bread and the knife,The crystal goblet and the wine…-Jacques Crickillon

 You are the bread and the knife,the crystal goblet and the wine.You are the dew on the morning grassand the burning wheel of the sun.You are the white apron of the baker,and the marsh birds suddenly in flight. However, you are not the wind in the orchard,the plums on the counter,or the house of cards. And you are certainly not the pine-scented air.There is just no way that you are the pine-scented air.

 It is possible that you are the fish under the bridge,maybe even the pigeon on the general’s head,but you are not even closeto being the field of cornflowers at dusk. And a quick look in the mirror will showthat you are neither the boots in the cornernor the boat asleep in its boathouse.

It might interest you to know,speaking of the plentiful imagery of the world,that I am the sound of rain on the roof. I also happen to be the shooting star,the evening paper blowing down an alleyand the basket of chestnuts on the kitchen table.

 I am also the moon in the treesand the blind woman’s tea cup.But don’t worry, I’m not the bread and the knife.You are still the bread and the knife.You will always be the bread and the knife,not to mention the crystal goblet and–somehow–the wine.

Personal note: Thank you Donn for the beautiful poem on this Valentines Day.

“Snow is snowing, wind is blowing  …I can weather the storm, what do I care how much it may storm…got my love to keep me warm” Can’t remember worse December watch those icicles form….what do I care…icicles form… got my love to keep me warm.. off with my overcoat off with my gloves…who needs an overcoat I’m burning with love.. .My hearts on fire, flame grows higher…I will weather the storm….”

Frank Sinatra

The holiday season is upon us again as the sweet smell of Frasier fir and cinnamon pine cones waif through the air. In Florida the Christmas trees stands, eggnog and gingerbread lattes on the menu board at Starbucks are the few clues that the holidays are near.

Along with the excitement, decorations and spirit of the holidays, also comes the burdens. With the current state of our economy, many without jobs, our men and boys away in the military, for many these holiday weeks will be a very stressful time of the year for most.

It is important to sit back in times like this and reconsider what the true meaning of the holidays implies. Being together with loved ones, acknowledging what we are grateful for, and the selfless joy of giving to others is a greater gift than any store bought present that could make your Christmas bright.

The state of being happy and filling your heart with joy never truly comes from external things. Instead of feeling lonely because you don’t have friends or loved ones near, your energy and time is better put to use with a plan to accomplish something good, to envision trees of green rather than the empty branches of winter. Now is a time for opportunity to help someone else in this wonderful world. Saying I love you can be accomplished in numerous ways. Receiving the loving energy of sharing and helping others is also great food for the soul. It is often human nature to feel sorry for ourselves, what the heck we are only mere mortals.  See if your neighbor needs help, volunteer at your local church or synagogue, and donate to your favorite charity.

It’s that time of year when the world falls in love. Wishing you and yours a peaceful and blessed holiday, and May your New Year dreams come true.

While on a social networking site that I also post articles on, I came across another members recent post describing her overwhelming feelings of pain and angst over a lost love. Her powerful writings described feelings of falling hard, unrequited love, yearnings for comfort, tossing blindly and her willingness to walk into the fire to be reunited with her lover.

As a little girl I remember all too well the feelings of being dumped by Bobby, my kindergarten boyfriend for little blond Karen, his newest conquest. Although I grew up, fell madly in love myself and lived the all American dream for a few years, the bubble burst and I ended up a single parent of three. As I often tell my patients in my private practice here in Boca Raton, Florida (http://www.bocatherapy.com/) love is not for the timid. In order to love one must be willing to risk. With risk comes thousands of possibilities of outcome. There are no guarantees in life or love. So if you are bold enough to take that giant leap of faith, there are still ground rules for searching for Mr. or Mrs. right!

We all want that love that makes us feel like we’re home. Somebody to hold, share in our dreams and disappointments. On the ‘”jouney of love” most often, the prince charming and sleeping beauty princess ends up to be a diamond in the rough for most of us. So often I hear the phrase, “I don’t want to settle.” My advice to you is Don’t Ever Settle! True love is not about “settling” in order to say that you’re in love or not be alone on a Saturday night.

So instead of reaching out for a phantom love or talking to yourself about what a cold, cold road it is out there, do something about finding that one great person to share your life with. The author on gather.com described her feelings of unrequited love as:

“I am sitting here at my computer waiting as usual for him to email me, I have a feeling he won’t. This is hard to write and as I do the tears start once more, I have cried over him so many times. I met someone who after talking with for several month’s, almost everyday, came to love. Now how silly is that?
I know I am being silly, but it’s true. I told him many times how I feel, he thought it was nice, but was honest from the start telling me he did not feel the same way. So I made a fool of myself . Can someone tell me how do you get over someone you love, but dosn’t love you? It hurts terribly and my heart is broken. “

If you’re waiting for a change of heart sitting at the edge of your seat expecting your relationship to turn around for the better as the author above, you’ll be waiting for a long, long time. People don’t usually “change.” What you see is what you get in most situations involving love and relationship. Thinking about those lonely nights waiting for someone’s call is useless energy that could be better spent in a productive manner and leading you to a fulfilling relationship.

KEYS TO LETTING GO AND MOVING ON FOR THOSE THAT HAVE “FALLEN (IN LOVE) AND CAN’T GET UP.”

1. Let go and move on when you don’t get back what you put into the relationship.

2. Spending countless hours waiting for someone to call makes you the fool, not him/her.

3. Recognize that you’re a unique and valuable person, seek out someone who recognizes you for your worth.

4. Wasting time on someone that doesn’t show you respect or consideration is a go nowhere situation.

5. Communication is crucial, when someone tells you who they are, Believe Them!

6. Don’t believe you’re in love because there is an empty space in your life, develop some basic boundaries

7. If you are at any level of dis-comfort, speak your truth, give your partner a chance to step up to the plate, and if you don’t get your needs met, then move on!

Life is not a dress rehearsal as the saying goes, there are plenty of fish in the sea, Go Fishing and find your happiness!

In Love and Light,

Dr. Arlene G. Krieger

So you’re feeling the same way all over again. No matter how much you hoped for or pretended that things weren’t all that bad, you’re alone and without your partner. You’ve taken all you can bear and walked on by. 

Your memory will try to play tricks on you for awhile. All you can remember is the last time your lips touched or the final words said to each other. Nothing else seems to matter, how can things be right with the world when your lover has turned their back on you. After all, you gave them your heart, your love, your soul energy for gods’ sake! Perhaps you thought you heard them whisper words of love and intent, but perhaps it was just your own imagination blowing in the wind. 

There seems to be no relief in sight and you can’t forget what it was like in their arms. You gave away your heart and all you got back was indecision and doubts.  

HOLD ON! STOP!  

All that you wanted out of a relationship doesn’t have to end in this type of scenario!
There are some key relationship tools that can help you to see who you are, how you got there, and how not to go towards a negative relationship again. Here are a few brief guidelines to put you on that road to happiness, finally realizing healthy and whole relationships. 

Don’t be discouraged, it’s harder than you think in this world full of so many of personalities and values, to find your true love. What’s done is done, however there is somebody out there for everyone. The perfect relationship can’t be ordered up like Latte’ at your favorite Starbucks.The Relationship Tools:

No.1 – Choosing a partner
WHEN SOMEONE TELLS YOU WHO THEY ARE, BELIEVE THEM 

No. 2- Dating vs. The Booty Call or Multi-Task Daters-
FIND OUT IF THE PERSON YOU ARE DATING IS EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE 

No. 3- Respect your own values and know what your boundaries are
IF YOU DON’T STAND FOR SOMETHING YOU’LL FALL FOR ANYTHING 

No.4- The Spirit and Soul Connection
NOTICE HOW THE PERSON YOU ARE WITH HOLDS YOUR HAND, YOUR ATTENTION AND YOUR SPIRIT 

These are some basic rules of thumb for not being the victim in any relationship. The heart has a mind of its own and you can only control yourself, no one else’s emotions. If you are not getting your needs met, get out. People don’t usually change. What you see is what you get.

Your partners should be considerate and respectful of whom you are as a person. Love and relationship is not about what you can get from another person, but rather, true love and caring for someone is about wanting the best for your partner.  

The test of whether or not you are choosing the right partner is simple. Are you at ease? Does this person lift your spirits; do you feel good about yourself when in the presence of your partner? Do you both want the same things out of life? Choose carefully, relationship is a sacred and special sharing of energy between two people, two unique souls.  

In love and light…
Dr. Arlene

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